Reaching Out
by Eggcatcher93
Summary: He's walking away, and she can't let him. (Spoilers for 47 Seconds)


**Reaching Out  
**(Set after 47 Seconds)

He's walking away from her.

He's walking away from her and he isn't coming back.

She can't let that happen.

She takes four brisk paces forwards, reaches out and grabs his wrist. He spins around to face her, and the look on his face breaks her heart. It's blank, expressionless. She searches his face desperately, searching for a clue as to why he's doing this. She doesn't find one. There is nothing on his face that gives him away. There is nothing there at all. It terrifies her.

"Why?" is all she can say, and she chokes on just that one word. It's too much. He's been off with her for weeks, and she can't stand it anymore. She wants, _needs_ to know what's wrong. She needs to fix this.

"What do you mean?" he replies, his brow furrowing. He tries to tug his wrist from her grasp, but she won't let him. She tightens her grip.

"Why are you doing this?"

The question makes him flinch, and all of a sudden his face is anything but a blank mask. It's a kaleidoscope of emotions battling for dominance. Hurt. Confusion. Desperation. Weariness. She can see that he's trying to get them under control, but it isn't working. She can see everything, but she doesn't understand.

"Rick," she starts. Seeing him flinch at the use of his first name is devastating. "Tell me what I've done wrong."

"You haven't done anything." He doesn't meet her eyes as he says it, just tries to pull away again. This time he succeeds, and with one last look at her he turns to leave.

She won't let him.

She needs him to stay with her.

"Please."

The broken plea is his undoing. He can try and deny it as much as he wants, but it doesn't make a difference. He's still is in love with Katherine Beckett. He can't ignore her when she speaks to him like that. Who could?

"You want to know what you've done?" he asks, turning to her once more. He lets everything show on his face as he looks at her, lets her see what she's done to him.

"Yes."

Her face is pale and her eyes are shining, but she has a look of determination on her face that he is more than familiar with after four years. Usually it has something to do with work though, not him.

"Fine. Let's go." He orders. If she wants to know why he's leaving, he'll tell her. But not here. It's too public. He wants to be somewhere he can shout, somewhere he can vent his feelings so that only she hears. What he wants to say is for her ears only.

"Let me just grab my coat." She says in reply, gesturing to her desk.

He nods his head. That's all he can trust himself to do, as he suddenly realises what is about to happen. He is about to unleash his feelings for Kate, to Kate, after four years. And he isn't going to hold back. He _can't_ hold back, not anymore.

It's destroying him, keeping his feelings from her.

By the time they reach the door to Castle's loft, the tension is so thick it could be cut with a knife. _If only it were that easy_, Kate thinks as Castle opens the door and gestures her inside. She goes, brushing his chest with her shoulder as she passes. He inhales sharply and she shivers, but neither of them acknowledges the other's reaction.

He closes the door behind him and shrugs out of his coat, placing it on one of the hooks by the door. He then turns to her and gestures she do the same. She does, and when she turns he's already made his way in to the middle of the living room.

He's staring at her as she makes her way over to him, but it isn't like it used to be. He's guarded, tense. He looks like he's gearing up for a fight. It makes her breath catch in her throat.

"Talk to me, Rick." She implores, hating how broken her voice sounds to her own ears.

"Don't worry," he says, running a hand roughly through his hair, "I intend to."

"What happened? Why don't you talk to me anymore?"

"What happened?" he sounds incredulous, angry. "What happened is that you died, Kate. You died, and I had to watch. I had to watch while you died in my arms. Do you know how awful that was?"

He looks at her with eyes so full of pain that Kate actually flinches and takes a step back. They haven't really brought up this subject, not since the afternoon on the swings.

"And what's worse," he continues, taking a step closer, "Is that I thought I'd lost you, Kate. I thought I'd lost you before I got the chance to tell you how I felt about you, about _us. _And then when I found out that I hadn't lost you to that damn bullet, I lost you to yourself. I had to wait three months Kate, three months. Just to see you outside of that hospital and back on your feet. It nearly killed me Kate, not knowing."

"Castle," she takes a step towards him as her eyes fill with tears that she is determined will not fall. She knew that he'd been hurt by her silence, but she didn't think it had affected him this much.

"No, let me finish. I got over that, Kate. There was no way I couldn't forgive you when you turned up to that book signing. How could I hold you making yourself strong again against you? That I got over. What I can't get over though, is the fact that you knew how I felt, and yet you pretended you didn't. You've known and you've been back for months, but you've said nothing about it to me. Not one thing. And the one time you did mentioned it at all, it was to a criminal in interrogation. That's what happened Kate."

His voice has gradually risen over the course of his speech, and the sudden silence is deafening. Kate can't breathe as she looks at the broken man in front of her, barely believing what she's just heard. He knows that she remembers, but more importantly he thinks she doesn't care.

"Castle…Rick, please. Let me explain."

"Explain what?" he asks, taking another step forward so he's barely a foot away. "That you heard me say I love you and just decided to ignore it, pretend it didn't happen? It happened Kate, and I can't, _won't _take it back."

"Castle, you've got it all wrong. That's not it at all. Yes I remember you telling me that you loved you. I did lie about remembering, but I didn't do it because I don't feel the same way. Do you remember what I said that day at the swings, about the wall?"

He gives her a curt nod, and she takes it as encouragement. He's listening.

"I didn't think I was ready for you, for what you wanted. I wanted it, but I didn't feel that I was good enough just then, Castle. I wanted to make myself better, so that when you said it again I'd be good enough to deserve it."

"Christ Kate, of course you deserve to be told that somebody loves you." He sounds frustrated, at her or the situation she isn't sure.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asks, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Even after everything I've said, everything I've done, you still say some of the nicest things to me."

Castle closes the distance between them and raises a hand to gently wipe away the moisture. Instead of moving his hand away afterwards, he leans forward so that his mouth is less than a breath away from hers.

"Because I love you."

And then suddenly, there is no distance between them at all. Castle's lips are covering her own, one hand still caressing her cheek and the other coming up rest on her waist.

Quick note: Hi guys. This is the first story for Castle I've written, so let me know if there's anything that's too unbelievable. Also, only got in to this show six months ago, and I feel like I've been missing out for the past four years.

Also, I'd be glad to have a conversation about this couple with anybody. Nobody I know wants to hear what I have to say about this amazing couple.


End file.
